Season 4, Episode 6: I Want Off the Struggle Bus

 0:00:03 – Jess

If you’re new here, welcome. And if you came back, oh God bless ya. Thank you for coming back. This is the Jesus Fix it podcast. With Jess, we talk about everything.

Life. It’s craziness, it’s ups and downs, cause you know what Jesus can fix it and he can handle it all. Well, that didn’t go as planned. That phrase right there could totally describe the season I’m in, or actually it could describe the year for me 2023, that’s my phrase. That didn’t go as planned and I am trying my very best to sit back and see what God is teaching me. I don’t know if I’m being a good student or not. First of all, I just wanna say I did have a very special guest planned for this episode. However, my guest has COVID and it’s so sad that we are still in 2023 having to cancel and work around things because of COVID. But anyway, not even gonna go there, not gonna get stuck there. My guest will join us in early 2024 for that special episode.

But, man, I’m wondering if anybody is feeling the pressure of the holiday season. I’ve been trying my best to try to stay centered and focused on Jesus and I’ve gotten caught up. I’m not even gonna sit here and lie to you. There is a moment where I got caught up in the shopping, the gift giving, the stress, and even had my moments of grief. And I have had moments, even during the last several weeks, where I just felt like I was just gonna crumble under the pressure of it all, like I am, literally. I don’t know. I just felt like I’m trying to be all the things and trying to do all the things and I’m wondering if I’m the only one. I can’t be. No, I can’t be. I honestly felt like one day I wasn’t gonna get out the bed. I just thought I am not gonna be an adult today. I don’t care who needs me, I don’t care who wants me to do the things. I’m gonna stay in bed and just cry because that’s all I felt like I could do. And I quickly snapped out of that, because you just can’t sit in bed and cry all day, even though there may be days you want to, and I can’t even pinpoint what was exactly wrong. Maybe I was just exhausted, Maybe I was going through a moment of grief, because that has happened too.

I am praying for anybody who is grieving during this season, because it’s hard when you’ve gone through loss, whether that’s any type of loss loss of a loved one, loss of a job, a relationship Loss is so hard, especially during the holidays. Yes, we are supposed to be focused on Jesus, but it’s also about togetherness and families and celebrating. And it’s hard when you are struggling. It’s hard to be happy and I am trying to find that joy and happiness. I’m trying to put on that brave face, but I’ve had my moments, I’ve had my days. So you may not know some, a lot of people know, but just in case you’re just finding the Jesus Fixed podcast or maybe you don’t listen to Good Morning Radio. By the way, you can listen to Good Morning Radio on Spirit FM.

I lost my dad about six years ago, two days before Thanksgiving, and I feel like my life has not been the same since, of course, but I thought, you know, I turned a corner in my grief about a year or so ago and in the last, within the last six months, it’s every other day. I think of him and I want to cry or I feel sad because he’s not here. And grief is so funny that way. Grief just has no chill. You’ll be going along doing life and feeling great and fine, and then all of a sudden and grief is like, nah, today your day is going to suck. And I just I don’t understand. And that was me the other day. I actually was missing my dad so much.

I pulled out my phone and listened to one of his old voice mails. Yes, I still have my dad’s voice mails. He used to leave me these voice mails and on his voice mails he felt the need to tell me who he was. Like I wouldn’t know that he’s my dad, like I wouldn’t be able to recognize his voice. So I listened to this voice mail the other day and it said hey, jesse, yes, my family calls me Jesse. If you ever see me in public, please call me Jess or Jessica, not Jesse. But he said hey, jesse, this is your dad. Can you please tell Christian to give me a call and tell him that his papa loves him? And man, that just I think that whole day I was just no good because I just kept replaying that message just to hear his voice.

And one of my friends just lost her dad in October and she sent me a message and she said I don’t know how I’m going to go on with life and I just want it so badly to tell her it’s going to get better, everything’s going to be fine. Time heals all wounds. But here I was just sitting here listening to my dead father’s voice mail from who passed away six years ago, and all I could do was tell her instead that I love her and that she should just do whatever felt naturally to her. If she wanted to cry cry and if she just wanted to go somewhere and eat a big old bowl of ice cream and have happy thoughts and happy memories of her dad, then do that.

I guess my point of saying all of this, of all of this rambling, is to say that, whatever you’re feeling in this season, you’re not alone, even if you are all over the place, and if you’re a mess, you are not alone. I feel like that’s been literally the story of my life a mess I am a hot mess this year. But you know what I do have hope. That’s what the season is all about. Right, it’s all about hope, and I was actually thinking about Naomi in the book of Ruth. That’s where I was looking for my hope this week.

I just needed to get back on being focused and being centered in Jesus in all of this because, like I started out by saying at the beginning of this I was getting way off track and it’s been been hard trying to stay focused. And so I went to the book of Ruth because I started thinking about God’s promises and how they don’t expire. And I thought the book of Ruth is such a great place to just dwell and think about God’s promises because when I look back on 2023 and how I felt in January, I was like, wow, this is gonna be an awesome year. We’re gonna do all these things and it’s gonna be amazing. And I can’t wait to get to December and then look back and say, yeah, I did all those things and God helped me get to where I wanted to be. And now that I’m in December and I’m looking back and I’m like Lord, what in the world happened this year? Like God, I don’t want to be on your toughest soldiers list again, like next year. Can I just be one of the ones that are chilling in the background Like I don’t want to be on the toughest soldiers list? Okay, so back to the book of Ruth. If you haven’t read it, trust me, this is so good, especially if you need hope, you need the reminder of God’s promises, so so good. So last week, when I was struggling and I know God’s promises are true, he’s faithful but when I was struggling last week I thought, god, I know what you promised, but God, these days don’t look very promising. Then I was reminded of Naomi.

Naomi in the book of Ruth Okay, listen, lost her husband and her two sons. Where she was from, there was famine ravaging her land. She was grief-stricken, heartbroken. She felt alone. I mean, she literally felt like God had just left her, felt like God has just abandoned her. It got so bad that sister Naomi, believing God had left her, she got so bitter she decided to change her name to Mara. Mara means bitter. I mean, can you imagine being that angry, that mad, that you’re going to change your name to bitter? Hello, how are you doing? What’s your name? I’m bitter, like literally so. But here’s the thing Everything does work out in the end, thanks to Boaz. Yes, I’m skipping ahead a little bit because if you want the full story you’re going to have to go and read the book of Ruth. But I will tell you. She returned to her homeland with Ruth and Boaz, who saved them. But also, it doesn’t stop there. Boaz and Ruth became great grandparents of King David who would carry the bloodline of Jesus. Okay, so this is the thing. Here’s my big takeaway.

During all of her hurt and all of her anguish, Naomi couldn’t bring herself to see the bigger picture. She couldn’t see the glorious plan God had for her life. I’m trying to see this big plan God has for my life. Even through the grief, even through the busyness, even through the days where I don’t want to get out of bed, I’m trying to see the big picture. Maybe some days you feel like Naomi, maybe you feel like I was last week or this whole last season. Maybe sometimes, or even today, you think God’s forgotten his promises, his promises for you. But we can be assured God will never leave and his promises are still very true for your life and for mine. I know we have to stay hopeful. I know we have to keep the faith.

I love this reminder from 2 Timothy. It says if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself. He will come through for you. And so during this season, if there was anything, I would ask Jesus please fix it. It would be for grieving hearts to just find a hope in him. Oh, my goodness, I am going to have so much fun watching Christmas movies and eating things that I shouldn’t. And I pray this season you find your joy and if you already have that joy, I am so happy for you. I’m genuinely thankful that you can find that joy. I pray you keep that joy, not just during the season, but I pray that it flows into next year and it lasts and lasts and lasts for you. I’ll see you on the next episode of the Jesus Fixed Podcast.