Season 4, Episode 13: “Let It Go” with Pat Farrell

00:02 – Jess (Host)
If you’re new here, welcome. And if you came back, oh God, bless you. Thank you for coming back. This is the Jesus Fix it podcast. With Jess, we talk about everything. Life. It’s craziness, it’s ups and downs, because you know what Jesus can fix it and he can handle it all. Today is a very special day on the Jesus Fix it podcast. A friend of mine is here, pat Farrell. Hey Pat, hey Jess. First of all, let me introduce you to Pat. Pat is an author, a speaker, a lay pastor, chaplain for Billy Graham Evangelical Association. Pat, what don’t you do? Oh, I mean, you literally do everything. You’re just so kind, thank you, thank you, I love it and you’re my friend. You put up with me. Oh, you’re the best.

00:52 – Pat (Host)
How hard is that? It is such a pleasure. Oh stop, I’m serious.

00:57 – Jess (Host)
Okay, so we just wanted to have some girl talk today. And May is Mental Health Awareness Month, A lot of people may know that. And May is Mental Health Awareness Month A lot of people may know that. And you know what I’ve been stressed, girl. I have been stressed. I’ve been trying to control every single thing that is out of my control. I guess I need to stop doing that.

01:18 – Pat (Host)
You know there’s so much stress out there, jess, you are not alone. So many women are out there going through so many different things and you think you’re alone and you’re not. We get it, we’ve all been through it. So it’s a great thing today we can talk about it’s Mental Health Month and let’s look at it and some of the stresses we have and what can we do about it. And you know you mentioned that. Let it go. We spend so much energy and so much time stressing over things we got no control over None.

01:50 – Jess (Host)
Yeah, that’s so much easier said than done. I wish I could be that person that just said you know what I’m going to be like Elsa today. I’m just going to let it go. Let it go.

02:02 – Pat (Host)
I really try. No, I can’t sing, I really can’t, I’m faking it, but I really try, I really try. You’re saying do I really?

02:04 – Jess (Host)
try. No, I can’t sing, I really can’t. I’m faking it. But I really try, I really do, and some days I’m really good at it, some days I’m really good at burying my head under the covers. But you know what happens? You come back to those same issues and things that you kind of neglect when you decide to take your head out from under the covers.

02:25 – Pat (Host)
Oh yeah, and there’s Jesus saying wait a minute, wait a minute, here I am.

02:29 – Jess (Host)
Ooh.

02:29 – Pat (Host)
Give it to me.

02:30 – Jess (Host)
Now you’re dropping some knowledge on me. Okay, give it to me, take my yoke, my yoke is easy.

02:35 – Pat (Host)
You got everybody’s yoke, yeah, but mine yeah, we tend to do that? Yeah, we do, we think we can save, rescue, change anybody.

02:44 – Jess (Host)
Ooh, ooh, yeah, you said something right there, I’m telling you.

02:47 – Pat (Host)
Yeah, I’ve learned the only person I can change, rescue and save is me, and the only one that can save us is Him.

02:55 – Jess (Host)
Ooh see, you said something right there. You ever have somebody in your life you try to change. I know I have. I’ve tried to say, ooh okay, see, and I have I’ve tried to say, ooh, okay, so you hit a nerve right there. I’ve had people in my life and I’ve said you know what God, you put that person in my life for me to change. I know, I know I can do it. I know I probably need to walk away from this person, but you have me here for a reason. You have me here to change them and I know this is my job and you know that is my job and you know that never worked out.

03:33 – Pat (Host)
Yeah, that’s right. And it’s so hard for us as women, as caregivers, as fixers, and it’s hard as Christians, because we do want everybody to be saved, we want everybody to be happy. So what’s my part in this? Is that right? You know, what can I do? Help me fix it. And yet we realize the only fixer is Jesus Christ and our job is to be obedient to him and to surrender. To surrender and to admit I can’t do it. I can’t do it, lord, you’re going to have to do it, you’re going to have to fix it.

03:58 – Jess (Host)
Yeah, I think a part of for me anyway, not being able to fix someone is admitting that I need fixing myself or I need help myself, or admitting that I failed in some kind of way. Oh, yeah. I know that’s really deep right there.

04:18 – Pat (Host)
I guess, yeah, and you know. Guess what we all fail, yeah, you know, and through failure we get stronger. Let me tell you what I’ve learned in all the stuff that’s gone on in my life and all the heartache and all the hardship. Guess what comes out of it? I get closer to Jesus. You know, I realize all the paths I take didn’t fix anything. But he can fix it and bring me peace, true peace, in my heart. He’s the only way, and I’ve learned that through hardship.

04:45 – Jess (Host)
He’s in my heart. He’s the only way, and I’ve learned that through hardship. You always seem so upbeat, you always seem so joyful. But now tell me if this is too personal. You’ve gone through a divorce. You’ve been divorced for four years now You’ve gone through a divorce. How did you get through that? Do you ever have? I’ve gone through depression and anxiety. Have you ever battled any of that? How did you get through your divorce?

05:10 – Pat (Host)
Absolutely. And listen, I’m so glad you asked me that because I know there’s somebody out there who’s struggling. I know it in my spirit, somebody’s out there who is going through it and I know my sister or brother how you feel. And I was married to a man that I loved. I’ve been married 25 years. I adored him. He was my friend and he left me.

05:32
And I remember saying how did this happen to me? I’ve tried to be a good wife. It’s not supposed to be this way. I’m 73 years old now and you’re supposed to have a partner for life. How did this happen to me?

05:44
And Jess, it occurred to me I had never left the Lord’s will, I’d never left His will. And then I came to realize His will for me is perfect, his will for you is perfect. I don’t like it, I don’t understand it, but God knows things you don’t know. He sees, he hears things that you don’t have a clue. And he did. And it ended up. He pulled me out of a mess I didn’t even realize I was in and he has returned to me everything that I ever thought I lost.

06:21
I stayed in the Lord’s will. I didn’t turn left nor right, and no revenge, no retaliation. And when I cried out, what am I to do? The Lord said to me be kind. And I was kind and I will be kind because he knows things. So stay in his will, no matter what. Stay prayed up, stay with your Christian sisters, brothers, who will encourage you. And when you get down, we’ll remind you of what God said. We’ll remind you of the scriptures, because the scriptures cannot be broken and he will turn all things to good when you love him and you live to serve him, and that’s the law of the word.

07:02 – Jess (Host)
Something you said just now.

07:05
Be kind, first and foremost, which is so hard sometimes when you know somebody is not being kind to you. But the thing about no revenge you know, there has been something that I was dealing with in my life over the last year or so and the one thing I wanted to do was get even. Now I’m just going to keep it real. I know that’s not the Christian thing. Okay, I’m human. I love Jesus, y’all, but I am human. But I know that’s not the Christian thing. But all I could think of is you know, I want to get my lick back, as the kids say. I just want to show them that they’re not going to get the best of me. I want to show them their ways. I want to teach them a lesson.

07:52
And one of my friends the other day we had lunch and she said you don’t need to do all that, you need to sit down somewhere and you need to just let God fight your battles, you need to be still. And then you just now saying no revenge, be kind, be still. That was so reaffirming to me, because I feel like sometimes that the battle is still mine and that it’s my right to fight. It’s my right to show them what they did wrong to me. It’s so hard to be still sometimes, but it literally says in his word be still, I’ve got this.

08:31 – Pat (Host)
That’s right, and you played a song this morning that I’m fighting a battle you’ve already won, shane and Shane, that’s right, you’ve already won yeah he’s already done this.

08:41
Yeah, the revenge is his. How many times he tells us in the word it’s mine, it’s mine, revenge is mine. He’s a just God and, believe me, it’s coming. What we need to do, what I strive to do, which can be hard to do, but you want to show people what a woman of faith looks like. And a woman of faith is standing strong in the word and is going to be kind and going to leave that to the Lord. Many times I’ll say, lord, this one’s yours. I can’t do anything about this, I know you will. I am going to you. Stay with this.

09:14
You know, and I do a lot of work with health care, and health care can be tough these days. People are coming into hospitals and they’re fearful or they’re angry, they don’t want to be there or whatever, and they sometimes will share some emotions with some of the staff. And I tell the staff listen. You learn to stand in the truth. It matters not what anybody says. The only thing that matters is the truth. You stand in your truth. It doesn’t matter. People say, well, you said this or you did that. What’s the truth? You didn’t say that and you didn’t do that. So you learn to stand in the truth and remember you’re looking at brokenness and it has nothing to do with you.

09:54
You show them what a person of faith looks like that has nothing to do with you. That’s broken. There’s no telling what’s behind the mask. There’s no telling. We all got a mask, Jess. We all put a mask on, oh wow, that’s so powerful right there. Many years ago I was asked to go back to Eden, north Carolina. It’s my little hometown.

10:13
And I was asked to speak to a group of women and I went and I spoke and at the end I’m standing at the door thanking women for coming and a woman came by, jess, and she looked at me and said I remember you from high school. You were real pretty and you knew it. Yeah, she said it again you was real pretty and you knew it. And I was like, are you talking to me? And I said me Because, see, jess, I remember in high school being a scared little rabbit, being just scared to death. I remember in high school she’s talking to me I had anorexia and bulimia as a young woman because I was never thin enough or smart enough or pretty enough. She’s talking to me because I wore turtlenecks and long sleeves because I got a birthmark on my neck that goes down my arm. She’s talking to me.

11:01
That was her perception I remember I was a queen, jess of wearing a mask. We all got a mask. Sometimes it comes across as looking aloof, you know, or just better than thou. Sometimes it comes across as looking as angry and powerful, but behind there there’s no telling what. So you just remember, if you get confronted by anger or whatever you stand in the truth of who you are in Christ and realize that’s brokenness. That person needs your love more than anybody.

11:28 – Jess (Host)
Oh man, that is so powerful. Wow, I guess that goes for how you perceive other people too, because you know I’m ashamed to admit I’ve prejudged people.

11:42
I mean, there’s this lady at my church for the longest time. You know, when the pastor says okay, everybody well, I pastored does this sometimes Everybody stand up. Before you know, before he starts preaching the word, he’ll say I want you to go greet three people this morning. Well, there’s this one lady. She just looks so angry. I was like I’m not saying good morning to her. I don’t feel like getting my head bit off this morning. Turns out she is the sweetest person. She just looks angry, I guess, but she is the sweetest. I finally just said you know what? Maybe she just needs a hello.

12:20 – Pat (Host)
Absolutely.

12:22 – Jess (Host)
And I’m so ashamed to admit that I really am. We’ve all done it Avoid certain people, but she is just the sweetest person and it’s just. You know your perception of people Absolutely.

12:35 – Pat (Host)
We prejudge and the experience that happened to me taught me you know how somebody can prejudge you for who you are, and up under there was all this hurt and insecurity and fear that nobody knew. I didn’t let them know. So how many people do you meet, cross your path and they need love. They need that encouragement.

12:56 – Jess (Host)
Oh, this five-year-old one. When that Zach Williams song Fear is a Liar came out, he said fear is a stinky, stinky liar. When he first heard this song fear is a stinky, stinky liar. That’s what it is. It is Absolutely A stinky, stinky liar. Yeah, okay. So anybody who listens to the Jesus Fix it podcast, they know I’m all over the place, and so here we go place, and so here we go. There goes the squirrel. Yep, you said you had a story about Sheila Walsh.

13:29 – Pat (Host)
Oh, such a beautiful story, with this being Mental Health Month. Absolutely, I was not really familiar with her. She’s an author and a speaker and she’d been on Christian Network for many years. Yeah, I’ve read several of her devotions, oh, and I saw her on TV and she was talking about a time in her life. Now here she is, a big Christian. She’s out there, she’s the face of Christianity for women.

13:45
She’s out there, and she herself went through depression to the point that she felt suicidal and she felt like she needed to commit herself to an institution. And yet, jesse, there were people around her saying, oh, you can’t do that. I mean, people can’t know that about you. What will that do with your image? What will that do with the network? But she said, I had to make a choice for myself and she did commit herself to an institution.

14:10
So she’s in there and in a suicidal unit. When they put you in a room, you really can’t have anything, maybe a bed and a blanket, and that’s all she had. So she had a blanket and she covered herself up. She’s sitting in the corner and all night long, she said, the door opened and she knew that health care people, nurses, whoever were looking, you know, just checking to see if she was okay.

14:31
But at 3 am somebody walked all the way in and she said I didn’t look up, but I saw his feet and handed her a tiny little lamb and said to her the shepherd knows where you are and he does, jess, in whatever situation we’re at, he knows where you are. Like the woman at the well, he knew she was coming, he was going to find her. So, whatever you’re going through, and it turned her life around and she’s written many beautiful books about that and I have to remember that when I get in situations where I feel lonely or depressed or whatever, he knows where I am, he knows everything that’s going on. He knows your heart.

15:13 – Jess (Host)
Absolutely. Have you heard. That’s a beautiful story, by the way. Thank you for sharing that I never knew that. Oh yeah, have you heard what’s that it says? The woman at the well said he didn’t come for the water. He came for me. Yes.

15:28 – Pat (Host)
I love that. Oh my gosh, yeah, that’s beautiful. And he did and he’s coming for you, and I was laughing. I did a sermon the other day about Jonah, a sermon the other day about Jonah. He’ll throw you overboard if he has to, but he’s already sent us a rescuer, that’s Jesus Christ. He’s already done it, but don’t let him throw you overboard because he will.

15:49 – Jess (Host)
He’s going to get your attention Now. One day I want to be so carefree and faithful, I want to be the one sleeping in a boat because I know, I know you know because I don’t want to be, we’re not going to be the ones always saying, oh my gosh, no, I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be worried, I want to be sleeping chilling. I know he’s got me.

16:13 – Pat (Host)
Absolutely, absolutely. And you know now that we’re talking about mental health, let me let’s talk about the mind. Let’s talk about the one thing Change your mind. I got to tell you what happened to me through this divorce. I’ve already told you how terrible it was, all was. But God has given me so much I’ve got a wonderful little house on the river. I have faith house that I use for Bible studies. I’ve got purposeful work and great friends, two cats. Life is good. So I saw this book by Lisa Turkers and it’s called Boundaries. Oh, that’s a good book. And I said, well, we need that because we don’t have any. So I’m going to order this book and I’m going to learn and then I’m going to teach about boundaries. So I’m sitting up in the bed one night and I open the book and Jess, she’s writing from a place of despair and angst and betrayal. She’s writing from a place of where I was. She’s going through what I went through.

17:06
Yes she did, and it brought up all those memories and all that emotion again and I had nightmares all night long. And the next morning I woke up, depressed, and the Lord said to me what’s changed? Nothing. Well, I looked around nothing. I still had them, two cats and that little house on the river, and I had work to do and faith house. The only thing changed just was my mind.

17:33 – Jess (Host)
Yeah.

17:34 – Pat (Host)
And that’s why the scripture says capture every thought and bring it to Christ. Yes, so I just changed my mind. That was the only thing that had changed. Everything else was just as beautiful as it was. So remember that, Ask yourself what has changed and change your mind and turn it to Christ and his promises.

17:53 – Jess (Host)
That’s why the Bible says to cast your burdens, not carry them.

17:58 – Pat (Host)
That’s right. Cast your cares, give them to him. That’s right. I’m working on that, I know. And he’s going to show up in your life, yes, and that, oh, it’s so amazing how he shows up, who he sends. And you know, sheila Walsh felt like that was an angel that came to her that night. Or perhaps it was a servant of the Lord like you, who are listening, like you, jess, and and me, that the Lord calls up to speak out, to go forth, to touch somebody, maybe that angry person or something you know. You never know, because you’ve got to remember. Mary thought Jesus was a gardener. Remember the disciples thought he was a ghost on the water, didn’t they? And on the road to Emmaus, he was a stranger. And yet he’s showing up. He’s going to show up and he’ll send angels. Angels are real, jess, and they will show up in your life.

18:54 – Jess (Host)
They will show up. So thankful for that, yeah they will.

18:57 – Pat (Host)
I can remember, jess, when Jamie had my grandchild, my daughter had Charlotte Charlotte’s 20 years old now, but when she was little and I’m in New Mexico and she’s in Richmond, virginia, and I flew back to be with her and I had 10 days to be with them and I can remember toward the end of those 10 days the emotion started to rise between us and just the day I left her, she cried and called me mama. Now that’s a big deal. Mama left her, she cried and called me mama. Now that’s a big deal, mama, because I’m usually mother or mom, but this day I’m mama. Please don’t go, mama, you can’t leave me. And I left her with a 10-day-old child and Jess.

19:38
When I got to Houston, texas, and I had to change planes, I called my friend Phyllis Clabo, a prayer warrior, and when I poured out to her she said I will pray for you and you will know that I have. And when they called my plane to board and I stood up, two women stood on either side of me that had not heard this conversation and a woman on my left looked at me and said I’m on my way to see my grandchild, I can’t hardly wait to go. And the woman on my right looked at me and she said well, I’m on my way back. I’ve been to visit my grandchild. I was so blessed to go and at that moment I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. But I knew I was going to be all right and it was a rite of passage. It was time for me to go so that Jamie could raise her child and know she could. It was time for me to go, jess. I had to get back to New Mexico for all the lessons that God had lined up to bring me to who, I am Not to say my son-in-law, wasn’t thrilled. I was on that plane and out of Virginia. So see, he’s good. And who were these women? Who were they? And, jess, I was going to keep my eyes on them because I knew I was in some sort of divine intervention and I watched them come on the plane. I knew exactly where they sat. I’m keeping my eyes on them and when that plane landed and everybody stood up, they were gone. I could not find them, Couldn’t find them on the plane, couldn’t find them anywhere in the airport. So I know that was an intervention.

21:08
They’ve been in scripture. Angels have appeared and they will appear to you again. You just got to believe. Well, you have blessed me. Oh, you’re such a blessing yourself. You just don’t know how many women you touch. I can’t wait to listen to you every morning. You are encouraging to us, yeah, and the music you play. It’s always, as many people have said who support Spirit FM. It always seems to be the right word from Jess, the right song that speaks to my soul, and that is the truth. You are living your purpose, my friend.

21:41 – Jess (Host)
Oh, my goodness, we’re living your purpose. Oh well, thank you. Will you come back to Jesus? Fix it again. I’d love to. I would love to.

21:48 – Pat (Host)
Thank you.

21:48 – Jess (Host)
So I always ask anybody who comes to Jesus Fix it. This question. I know I’m putting you on the spot. I know there are lots of things in this world Jesus needs to fix, but if one thing you could ask him to fix right now, what would it be?

22:05 – Pat (Host)
Big or small, big or small, probably, individually. Lord, give them peace and joy in their hearts and show them what true peace is, if it’s holding a big yellow cat, if it’s reaching out to touch a friend and to feel that peace, that true peace that comes. Lord, we need peace in all this chaos. We need your peace and joy. Don’t ever take your peace and joy from us, lord. We can make it. Shore us up, shore up our doubt, increase our faith, and we’re standing strong for you.

22:41 – Jess (Host)
Life’s not perfect. That’s why God gave us friends like Melody and Candy. Check out quirksbumpsandbruises.com, or search quirks, bumps and bruises wherever you listen to podcasts.