Season 4, Episode 4: Holiday Family Time & Grinch Vibes with Doug Day

0:00:03 – Jess

If you’re new here, welcome, and if you came back, oh, God bless ya. Thank you for coming back. This is the Jesus Fix it Podcast. With Jess, we talk about everything. Life. It’s craziness, it’s ups and downs, cause you know what Jesus can fix it and he can handle it all. Ha ha ha. Welcome back to Jesus Fix It and thank you for sticking with me with all of my guests that I’ve been having on the show. And today is a special day because my friend and, okay, my boss that seems so weird to say. It is weird, yes.

Because you’re my boss, but you’re my friend too. Yes, and you’re Doug from the Afternoon Show. If you listen to Spirit FM then you hear Doug in the Afternoons, and Doug has been so kind and so gracious to come and hang out with me today. And we are talking about Thanksgiving, and not just Thanksgiving, but holidays, and families and family dynamics, and you’re a family guy now.

0:01:09 – Doug Day

I am, yes. What do I have, Me and my wife? We have been married for so we got married in 2016. So we’ve been married just over seven years and we have a three year old her name is Reagan, and we have a one year old Her name is Riley. And we also have a five-year-old golden retriever His name is Baxter. So that is our family. That is what it looks like, and my wife is from Florida. I’m from upstate New York, so typically around Thanksgiving, we are typically traveling for the holidays.

0:01:43 – Jess

Yeah, and your dog is humongous, by the way, he’s not that big, he is.

0:01:48 – Doug Day

He’s a 75-pound fluffy monster.

0:01:51 – Jess

A monster is great.

0:01:52 – Doug Day

Okay, no, I’m just playing Okay.

0:01:53 – Jess

For all of you who don’t know, I am a little afraid of most dogs. Yes, okay, my sister has a dog. I have a furfew. I am not afraid of him because he knows don’t touch me.

0:02:05 – Doug Day

Right.

0:02:05 – Jess

I touch him first.

0:02:07 – Doug Day

Oh, okay.

0:02:07 – Jess

And then he can cuddle with me once I let him know, that it’s safe to cuddle.

0:02:11 – Doug Day

That’s fun. I do like cuddling with him and I like small dogs, right, but not big dogs.

0:02:15 – Jess

I was bitten by Doberman. Okay, I digress a lot. Okay, so I love talking about family dynamics during this time of year because, duh, it’s the season where families get together and I know you travel a lot for the holiday. Yes. And so how is it with traveling with your small family?

0:02:37 – Doug Day

Yeah. So it’s definitely something where, you know, traveling looks different each time we do it and there’s new things that we learn and new things that we pick up on. But I mean, really what we’ve done is we’ve really just tried to get to a place where we’re like, okay, we’re gonna travel for Thanksgiving and we’re gonna be home at Christmas time, because, you know, christmas is really special with the kids and waking up on Christmas morning in your house with your tree and all that kind of stuff. But really the biggest thing that I feel like we’ve learned about traveling with kids is really trying to set a routine, like we have everything for the most part mapped out. Like when we go to New York, we stop at this place every time for breakfast and then we get this far and then we stop for lunch and then, you know, the one thing we’re trying this time that we haven’t done before is typically, when we travel, we’ll stay with family or, you know, with friends or something like that.

But this year we’re actually doing the whole Airbnb thing. So we are going to be kind of having our own space. We’re trying to, you know, be in the middle of family and stuff like that. But yeah, I mean there’s just a lot of little things that we’ve tried to do, like you wanna make sure the kids have enough toys, you wanna make sure they’re entertained, and we try to leave early in the morning so they sleep for a little bit before it’s time to wake up, and all that kind of stuff. But yeah, it’s definitely. I mean, right now I can be like yeah, it’s gonna go great, but you know, you get an hour into the ride and the kids are screaming in the back and you don’t know what you’re gonna do.

0:04:01 – Jess

Okay now. Okay Now. This is the Jesus Fixed podcast. We always keep it real. So now let’s get to the real and raw the family. Yes, Okay Now is your family going to listen to this? I?

0:04:14 – Doug Day

don’t know, I mean, I guess. I mean, if they do, they know me, so yeah, you get along with your family. Yes.

0:04:20 – Jess

Are you like, is it always the warm and fuzzies I mean you get with your family either your wife’s side of your family or your family Like, yeah, is it when you get ready to go on your family vacations or get around your families for the holidays? Are you like, ok, we have to go, we’re going to get this over with and out of the way, Like keep it real.

0:04:44 – Doug Day

Yeah, so we’ve definitely. I mean, there’s definitely always, I think, challenges when it comes to families, challenges when it comes to holidays and things like that, and for the most part I will say that we are excited to see family, excited to be with them and things like that. But there’s definitely things that we have put in place where, you know, typically we would go up the Saturday before Thanksgiving and we would stay till the Saturday after, where now we’re doing go up on Monday, leave on Friday. So just trying to keep some boundaries there, because it’s not that it’s bad.

It’s just that people that aren’t around each other for a long time can, and then when they’re together all the time can kind of wear on each other a little bit. So we’ve definitely tried to set some of those things in place and just try to make sure that you know everybody’s in the best mood they can be in. We’re just trying to figure everything out and you know it’s just trying to work through some of those things, because the other thing I notice a lot. So my family in New York they are my dad, is one of nine siblings and they all have kids. So like Thanksgiving dinner turns into I don’t know, 30 to 45 people.

0:05:56 – Jess

Yeah.

0:05:56 – Doug Day

And being that you know we live here in Virginia, it’s just us, our two kids, our dog. We don’t have a ton of family around. When you go from not being around a lot of family to being around all the family, like you quickly realize these people are very loud and they’re very crazy and they’re fun, but it’s just like when you’re not in it all the time, it’s like OK, this is a lot.

0:06:19 – Jess

It’s overwhelming. Yes, for sure. Yeah, see, I love my family and I think they love me too. They do, I think. But we know, like there are some of us, that we know what our boundaries are and we know how much of each other we can take. And. I’m just going to keep it real. Sometimes we don’t want to be around each other, right, and we opt not to see each other during the holidays because there are past hurts.

0:06:48 – Doug Day

Right.

0:06:49 – Jess

There is a lot of healing that still hasn’t taken place and we know that, and I know that is the case for a lot of family.

0:06:56 – Doug Day

For sure.

0:06:57 – Jess

The holidays are supposed to be the warm and fuzzies, but it’s not like that for everybody. It’s not. And I think a big misconception for a lot of people is that just because it’s Thanksgiving or just because it’s Christmas, you get with your families and you’re going to love each other, and by golly. That’s how it’s going to be, but it doesn’t have to be that way. No. Sometimes the best thing for your mental health, your mental space sometimes is to agree to have your own space.

0:07:31 – Doug Day

Right.

0:07:32 – Jess

And that is OK, and if you feel like, you know what it is therapeutic and healing for us to see each other and we can respectfully be in the same room then, that’s OK too. I think you should do whatever is going to bring both parties peace.

0:07:52 – Doug Day

Right, exactly.

0:07:53 – Jess

Yeah, but I will tell you, for so many years I was that person who was the single one.

0:08:00 – Doug Day

Oh.

0:08:01 – Jess

And I had so many people wondering OK, is she going to bring anybody to center? And if I happen to bring somebody this year that I didn’t bring last, year. I was like oh my goodness it was so much pressure.

0:08:15 – Doug Day

Right.

0:08:15 – Jess

Even if I was dating somebody, I was like listen, I don’t want to bring you. Because, I don’t want to put myself through that and I don’t want to put you through that, so before you and your wife got married.

0:08:27 – Doug Day

Yes.

0:08:27 – Jess

Did you bring her to dinner? Yeah, let me think.

0:08:31 – Doug Day

Yeah, so we were kind of in a situation so we started, we started dating in 2014 and we actually so I moved down to Virginia in 2015. So we were here so, like those first, I guess, thanksgiving and Christmas of 2015,. Before we got married, we traveled to my family and her family. So, yes, we did the whole travel to the different families, see people around the holidays, and you know, it kind of worked out well. But I think it was a thing where everybody kind of knew, because I mean by trying to think, yeah, by the time Thanksgiving of 2015 came around after we started dating, we were already engaged. So we were already kind of in that place where it was like, okay, she’s going to be a part of the family, he’s going to be a part of the family. So she’s great, he’s kind of weird, but we’ll still, you know, just kind of make this stuff work. But yeah, I mean it was.

It was something where the holidays I feel like we definitely figure out a lot of different things just because we’re not around family all the time.

So there are some different dynamics there too.

Of like, for the first little bit of our time together, it was we would travel for Thanksgiving and Christmas and we would go to the different places and trying to get to that place now where it’s like, okay, we have kids, traditions are changing a little bit and we’re in a position now where Thanksgiving we’re going to travel, but Christmas we’re really not going to and who knows, maybe in the next couple of years that changes too and we don’t travel as much at either holiday.

It’s just, you know that stuff is always changing, it’s always going to be a little bit different and I think just trying to like the one thing that I’ve been thankful for for the most part is just family, definitely just being understanding and respectful of the fact that, like, okay, Doug is an adult now, he has a family, he has kids. He’s not always going to be here for everything and things are going to be different. So I think it’s just important, especially you know, and maybe somebody’s listening right now and they have grown kids that are starting to get into that place as well just give them respect, you know, understand that they’re doing what’s best for their family. They’re not necessarily trying to offend somebody by not coming to a holiday or switching up what they’re doing or even going to the same family two holidays in a row, like maybe there’s something going on behind the scenes that you just don’t know about. But nobody’s trying to offend anybody, they’re just trying to do what’s best for them.

0:10:52 – Jess

I’m so glad you brought that up because when I was married, that is a lot of pressure because you have to split your time and I know there were some holidays where we decided, okay, we’re going to go see your family this time and then next time we’re going to go see my family. And there were times when if we didn’t go see one family and we decided to go see the other family, it was like they took it so personally. Or if we decided, you know what, we’re not going to go to anybody’s house, so we’re going to stay at our own home and we’re just going to have just an intimate holiday gathering with just us and the kids. And it’s nothing personal against you guys. We just want to be in our own home and just do something with the kids. People took it so personally and I wish that people understood that sometimes, if you don’t want to be around anybody for the holidays, it’s not about them, right?

Yeah, it’s just a personal preference of how you want to spend your holiday. And as a mom who is now an empty nester, that’s I’m preaching to myself, because I know the day is going to come when my boys are going to be like mom I’m not coming home for Christmas, or I’m going to be with my girlfriend or what have you and I’m going to have to be okay with that. And somebody is going to remind me to go back and listen to this podcast. I know.

0:12:24 – Doug Day

Yeah, I mean it is.

Yeah, I mean it is that big change.

And the other thing I’ll say, too, is that like, yes, so one of the things that we’ve had to balance is the fact that you know we are in Virginia, we have family in New York, family in Florida, like I said, and one of the things that we’ve really had to just kind of figure out and balance and yes, we made like there is nothing.

I mean, obviously I love being in Virginia and everything, but we made the decision to live away from family. So we understand you know there’s complications with that around the holidays as well. So one thing I would say if you’re able to go to both sides of your family or spend time with more people around the holidays, really take advantage of that time, because there’s so many memories, there’s so many sweet things that can happen that you know for people that don’t live near their family because of whatever circumstances, they don’t have that same luxury. So definitely don’t miss out on those opportunities as well and definitely take advantage of those times, because you know it’s something that not everybody has, and I know we chose to live here, but even just thinking of, you know, military families that are spread out all over and might not be able to see people for the holidays, like just really trying to enjoy those times and realize the importance of what that looks like as well.

0:13:38 – Jess

Okay, I have to ask you because I’m asking every guest I have on. Jesus Fix it. If there was one thing you could ask Jesus to fix, what would it be, and.

0:13:49 – Doug Day

I know we have tons of things. Is this like a serious thing? Is this a funny thing? No, it isn’t anything, anything you can think of it can be anything.

Yeah. So I would have to say and a lot of people are going to be like, yes, this is a good one I would have to say, if Jesus could fix all the ice cream machines at McDonald’s so that they were always running, you know, that would be a major feat and that would make a lot of people happy. So that’s what I’m going to say for now.

0:14:15 – Jess

You know what Y’all got to know that Doug loves McDonald’s.

0:14:19 – Doug Day

I do love McDonald’s. I don’t understand it.

0:14:22 – Jess

I don’t understand, of all the restaurants you could love in this world.

0:14:26 – Doug Day

I mean, what’s better than a Big Mac? You know like.

0:14:28 – Jess

I just don’t Not the sauce. The sauce, I mean it’s.

0:14:31 – Doug Day

Thousand Island, dressing Like who’s fooling who on this one.

0:14:36 – Jess

Okay, I appreciate you answering that question. One thing I want to add before we go is one thing I would love Jesus to fix, especially during the holiday season is people understanding that not everyone is a grinch Now?

It took a long time for Jesus to fix my heart in this situation and, unfortunately, I had to go through trauma in order for my heart to be fixed in this situation. You see, I used to think that if you walked around during November and December with a sad face, you were a big old, mean grinch, because this is the most wonderful time of the year, right, I mean, how could you not be joyful? But you see, almost six years ago now, my father passed away, and he passed away two days before Thanksgiving, and that was not the most joyful time of the year for me. You never know what somebody is going through during the season. You never know if they’re suffering from seasonal depression. You never know what grief, what hurt they’re going through. So just because you see somebody walking around during the holidays and they’re just not feeling it, they have a right to feel how they feel and it doesn’t mean they are a grinch.