Misconceptions Unpacked with Jess & Steph

00:00 – Speaker 1

Cultural stereotypes and misconceptions. Okay, I’m just going to bust it out. Stephanie, is there anything about Black people you always wanted to know? 

 

00:12 – Speaker 2

I love this topic because, honestly, I am so naive and like not because I’m trying to be so I love this Okay first of all. 

 

00:23 – Speaker 1

Okay, listen, this is a safe space. We should be able to have these hard conversations about culture, about race, and this is how we learn about each other. Yeah, this is all love If there are things you’ve always wanted to know about Black people. I’m not the official Black spokesperson, I know you’re not the official spokesperson of all white people, but I feel like if there are things if we can clear the air, or if there are things you’ve always wanted to know, I don’t know. I just feel like this is a moment here where we can have some honest conversation and we can walk away and still be friends, especially in the climate we’re in right now, Like we should be able to talk it out. 

 

01:11 – Speaker 2

Let me start with this question because this just popped into my head as we’ve been thinking about this, talking about it, but how do I appropriately and with respect, if I’m talking to someone or to someone else about, is it a black person, is it African-American, like what is the proper term, because I hear a lot thrown around. But I want to be correct about it. 

 

01:34 – Speaker 1

I think everybody has their own preference. For me, as long as you don’t call me out of my name, as long as you don’t call me a derogatory term, you can say black, you can say African-American. Some people prefer African American, some people prefer black. You meet a person of color and they are a black person like me, and they say, hey, I prefer you call me African American and not black. I think you should respect their wishes Because that’s what they prefer. Just like if a person comes, just a person you know, says, hey, stephanie, I love you, you’re the sweetest white girl, and you say, actually, I prefer. You say I’m the sweetest Caucasian. 

 

02:16

Then they should respect your wishes. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, totally makes sense. 

 

02:20 – Speaker 2

Yeah, all right. So let’s get down to hairy tactics. Black girl hair is amazing. Don’t touch my hair. Don’t touch it. You’re right, don’t touch it. Touching someone’s hair, it doesn’t matter. That is like touching a baby. Don’t do it. I love that we’re talking hair. 

 

02:41 – Speaker 1

First of all, hair is very personal and I got to admit you know before I knew any better, and I’m going to take it all the way back to grade school. I had a best friend what in the world? Her name was Stephanie too. Oh that’s so fun. 

 

02:58 – Speaker 2

Oh my goodness, I’m thinking about this Like I saw the light bulb go out on that one, I know. 

 

03:04 – Speaker 1

My word. I had a friend, her name is Stephanie. And then I had another friend, her name was Heather, and we used to play Barbie dolls and we actually used to brush each other’s hair. Ok, and Stephanie did ask me one time why isn’t your hair as easy to brush as mine? Oh, no, but I just said it’s not, yeah, and she was like OK, ok, you know kids, and we just dealt with it and we used to love to brush each other’s hair and out of nowhere I would just start stroking her hair or she would just start, you know, stroke, stroke in mind. 

 

03:42

But as we grew older, I realized if my hair was fixed a certain way, I didn’t want her to just touch my hair, because my hair was harder to fix back. Okay, you know what I mean? Because, like if my mom had braided my hair a certain way, it took my mom longer. You know, we have different textures, you know different styles of hair. It’s harder, obviously. And so I realized hold on, now, steph, don’t mess up my hair, because your hair you can just flip it up or you can just brush it down or whatever. 

 

04:16

But mine see, if I come home, my mom is going to ask me okay now. I spent two hours fixing your hair what you do so I realized if you touch my hair, I’m going to go home and be in trouble and it’s going to take two hours to fix it again. A lot of times, being the only minority in a lot of situations and you have different hairstyles, you kind of feel like you’re on display. When you walk into a place and you’re the only minority with 4C hair and somebody says, oh, my word, look at your hair. And then a whole crowd around you and everybody is just touching your hair and you’re standing there like, okay, this is awkward, so that’s just not cool to do. 

 

05:05 – Speaker 2

Now. You said 4C. That’s a type of hair. 

 

05:09 – Speaker 1

That’s a type of hair. Yeah, that’s the texture a lot of black women have. 

 

05:15 – Speaker 2

Okay For black women hair yeah, now I’ve heard the term weave thrown around. Talk to me, about what is that? Like a wig, is it just-? 

 

05:27 – Speaker 1

Well, first of all, there’s a misconception that only black women get weave. Actually, weave is the style in which you are. Let me say this correctly because I’m no hairdresser. Weave is the act of getting the hair put in. Weave is the process, okay. So, like hair is the extensions, but the way you’re putting it in is you’re weaving it in, so you can get the hair extensions put in in different ways. You can glue it in, you can braid it in, Okay. But there’s this misconception that, oh, you got hair weave and you think, oh, that’s black women. But let me tell you there are a lot of white women with weave and hair extensions and lace front wigs. That’s a type of weave where your hair looks really. It looks real, it looks like your own hair, but it’s actually a lace front wig that blends into your forehead. 

 

06:21 – Speaker 2

Gotcha Okay. So here’s another misconception that I have your hair never really grows and you always are just putting in a weave or something like that. I know I’m sorry. No, that’s not that I’ve had no it’s just, it’s person to person. 

 

06:40 – Speaker 1

I mean you have some black women or black people in general, that hair may grow quicker than others, hair may stall, or your hair may grow down your back, just like white people. It’s just, hair is different from person to person. It’s not like. I mean, I’m sure you’ve seen black people with really long hair. You’ve seen black people with really short hair, and if you see a black person with really long hair, do not automatically assume that it is a weave. Don’t automatically assume. And let me tell you something Okay, a lot of people I’m just going to throw this famous person out there because a lot of people know her. 

 

07:21

I’m not promoting her music or anything like that. Beyonce she does wear a lot of wigs and hair extensions, but her hair, her real hair, actually goes all the way down her back. 

 

07:33 – Speaker 2

Oh, okay, yeah, See, would not have known that. Yeah. 

 

07:36 – Speaker 1

She actually has a whole hair care line because she has beautiful hair and her family came up with their own hair care products over generations. So they package it up, put it in a bottle and now they sell it to people for a lot of money. 

 

07:53 – Speaker 2

Oh, all right. Yeah, I don’t buy it, but I was going to say why didn’t you get in on that one? 

 

07:58 – Speaker 1

I just don’t make rich people richer. So I’m just saying but you know, that’s just a me thing. Wait a minute, I buy Jordan tennis shoes and he’s like a billionaire. So, yeah, I make some rich people richer, but I do pick and choose. Okay, so I take that back. Okay, yeah, I digress. Okay, I have a question. Yes, do white people season their food? 

 

08:22 – Speaker 2

Define season, because I love watching the TV show Worst Cooks in America, because I am one of them. So it’s like they always are saying you need more salt and one of the chefs on there is like brown food tastes good. So it’s like they always are saying you need more salt and one of the chefs on there is like brown food tastes good. So it’s like defined season. 

 

08:39 – Speaker 1

Because more than a dash of salt and more than a dash of pepper. Okay, so one of my friends, she married a black man. She’s a white lady, she married a black man and she said Jess, let me tell you something that happened to me since I married a black man and I was like what? She opened up her kitchen cabinet. She said I have like 100 new seasonings. Oh my goodness. She said my mama never taught me to season food. And I’m like is it just you or is this like a white person thing? And she said I don’t know, but it never happened in my family. She said her aunts never really seasoned food. They used a dash of salt here and pepper here. But no, so my grandfather, his best, his best friend, is white and his wife, man, she cooks. You’re having a moment Like I’m thinking about her sweet potato pie right now. Pam, if you’re listening, I know you got me, but anyway, lynchburg Studios. But so I’m just saying is it just have you heard that that the majority of white people don’t season their food? 

 

09:56 – Speaker 2

I haven’t heard that, but just in retrospect, like even when we had a meal recently together, you wanted the super spicy with an extra side of spicy and some spice on top of that, and I’m like no spice, with no side of spicy and don’t even come near me breathing with any of that spice. So it makes sense that you guys, you really want a lot of that spice and that seasoning, because when I think of like really seasoned stuff, I think of spicy. But like my go-to is, yes, salt pepper and an Italian seasoning. 

 

10:32 – Speaker 1

Girl. No, there’s so much more out there for you. You have lemon pepper, you have paprika, which paprika doesn’t really season, but it gives it a little color. 

 

10:43 – Speaker 2

You have Lowry’s seasoned salt, what, I don’t know. What was this word you just used? When are you coming back over? 

 

10:49 – Speaker 1

Apparently. Tonight I’m going to say that’s not all white people don’t season, but I’m thinking there’s some little truth to that one. 

 

10:59 – Speaker 2

I think there is some truth to that one. I think that’s a good. 

 

11:01 – Speaker 1

Okay, so we got one that we’ve been schooled on. Okay, all right. Now we were talking about one the other day with black people. And listen, black people, don’t get mad at me for this one, but the time situation. Yes, don’t get mad at me for this one, but the time situation. And there is a such thing as black people time. If, and okay, if a black person tells you that they are 15 minutes away, where are they? What are they doing? 

 

11:30 – Speaker 2

I think they’re just rolling out of bed. Am I right on this one? 

 

11:40 – Speaker 1

Okay, not all black people, but I know for myself, I’m usually just like right on time and like my children’s father okay, he’s biracial, he’s always early, but he says that’s the white part of the white side. 

 

11:54 – Speaker 2

He’s always early, but he says that’s the white part of the white side and I grew up with my dad saying if you’re not 10 minutes early, you’re late. Okay, Okay so hear me. 

 

12:04 – Speaker 1

Well, I am not saying that all black people run late. I’m just saying that there may be just a smidge truth to that, because a lot of people I know that you know. Okay, we’re one for one, okay, okay, yep, yep. 

 

12:26 – Speaker 2

Okay, all right, what else? I’m not sure if this is appropriate to say Okay, so we can, you know, figure that one out, black, don’t crack. I’ve heard that from my black friends. So we can, you know, figure that one out, black, don’t crack. I’ve heard that from my black friends and they, you know, they say like they don’t age, y’all don’t age Like you. I’m looking at you, this gorgeous woman sitting across from me, and there’s no way I would say that you’re 47. Maybe like 26. Absolutely, what? 26? 

 

12:52 – Speaker 1

Yes, ma’am, I don’t know. I’ve heard that and I have to say maybe it’s genes. I don’t know if that is a whole race thing or if that’s just a good genes thing. 

 

13:16 – Speaker 2

But I will say that the women in my family have aged very gracefully, is it maybe? 

 

13:18 – Speaker 1

But I do know. But I do know, like white women, I know Latina women who have aged gracefully as well. I know Asian women who have aged well too. So I think I’m just going to chalk that one up to genes. Not a racial thing, that’s a jeans thing. 

 

13:38 – Speaker 2

And could it also be skin care? Yes, y’all take care of your skin differently. Yes, that’s fair to say. Yeah, yeah. 

 

13:48 – Speaker 1

My grandmother was really all about skin care and she taught us about skin care, but this is the thing I know generationally we’ve always had to make natural skincare products and we’ve had to come up with a lot of things on our own. If that makes any sense, yeah, it does. So we’ve always had to find ways to make it work. Do you know what I mean? I do, yeah. Yeah, so that could be something too. 

 

14:20

There’s something there, yeah, okay. Okay, here’s a question. I know that sometimes in the black community we get a little offended if we know there is something that has started in our culture and we see another culture try to make it their own cultural appropriation. 

 

14:44

okay, we get a little offended, especially if we’ve put our heart and soul into it or if it’s something that’s been passed from generation to generation and then we see another culture try to appropriate it Now that doesn’t mean that we don’t want you to enjoy what we’ve made or something we’ve put out there for you to listen to, but I’m wondering if there’s something in the white community like that, do you get offended in that way as well? 

 

15:17 – Speaker 2

I’m trying to think of like a very specific situation, like if you can give me a specific example. 

 

15:25 – Speaker 1

So, okay, let me start with, maybe, music. Okay, Historically, music. Black people have used music to get through struggle, to celebrate joy. Music is very personal to black people, whether it is blues, whether it’s jazz, whether it’s gospel, hip hop even, or R&B. It’s deeply entwined with the historical experiences of black people. It just is. Here’s the struggle of it. 

 

15:59

Black people were forcibly brought to America as slaves, enduring a lot. So they would sing through their hardships, spirituals, they would sing about enduring through those hard times and then here’s a celebration of it. They would come together and sing through dance, through celebrations of life, festivals, through joy, through pain, through togetherness, those difficult times they would come up with music. Music just has always been a part of that. So then when they see other cultures taking that music and taking those songs and making it their own sometimes they’ve had permission and sometimes not but when they’ve made those songs personal about the joys and struggles they’ve been through, but then they see another culture take those songs and make it something else or there’s another feel to them. Sometimes that’s very personal and it’s been appropriated you know what I mean. 

 

17:02 – Speaker 2

That totally makes sense. Yeah, you know, I, coming from the white perspective, like and thinking about songs that we play at Spirit FM, I think about the goodness of God, and so this is the opposite side of it. It was originated and made more popular by Jenen johnson johnson, and now cc put her own spin on it and it like I will turn her on every time, like that is the version that I want to hear and and it’s not that the words changed right, the words did not change it’s, it’s the way that cc feels and you just feel that moment that she’s having in that personal relationship she has with god when I hear her sing that. So for me, I’m not offended in that manner, since we’re talking about music, right, um, but I definitely can see from your perspective where somebody’s let me just throw this one out there, since we’re throwing out names, yeah, and whomever, eminem, oh, okay, you know I with the real slim jd you can tell what era we come from. 

 

18:19 – Speaker 1

My name is yeah. Okay, we’re saved, though y’all. 

 

18:23 – Speaker 2

Yes. 

 

18:26 – Speaker 1

Okay. 

 

18:28 – Speaker 2

I love Jesus. I listen to lots of Jesus music in different varieties. 

 

18:31 – Speaker 1

But if we’re being real, yeah, yeah. 

 

18:34 – Speaker 2

Yeah, so it’s like you know, is that a sort of thing. 

 

18:37 – Speaker 1

So does it matter? If you’re so, that’s? I guess that’s another question. If you’re singing hip hop, that’s one thing, but if you’re singing about Jesus, is it okay. 

 

18:44 – Speaker 2

Right, that’s a great question, right. Does that make it okay? I don’t have any answer? I don’t, yeah, and I don’t know, because you know again, every person, when it comes to singing it, like you said, it’s so personal and the way that you are feeling that makes a difference. 

 

19:05 – Speaker 1

So, as far as, like the whole Eminem situation, I grew up with my friend Stephanie this is so cool that you’re my friend, stephanie, and I get to talk about Stephanie, but this is the thing. Okay, dig about Stephanie, but this is the thing. Okay, digressing again, but this is the thing about Stephanie. When we grew up, she was really into hip-hop culture too. She did not like Eminem, though, but back in the 90s, when we were growing up, she loved all of the R&B music and she loved it seemed like at the time, and I even pointed it out to her back then. 

 

19:43

I can remember clear as day as, talking about this, she seemed to love all of the black hip-hop hip-hop artists, because there are, um, white hip-hop artists that I used to listen to. I don’t even I don’t know if you remember like the Beastie Boys and all of them, but but I specifically remember her not liking Eminem, and one day I asked her why, and she said because he’s trying to be black. And she said I don’t know why he can’t just be white and do hip hop. And it took me a while to get that, and I guess for me, now that I am 47,. I don’t mind. If you want to absorb my culture, I want to learn about your culture. I want you to know about my culture because I feel like that’s how we coexist is to know one another and have conversations like we’re having today. 

 

20:38 – Speaker 2

And respect. Yes, I want us to respect. 

 

20:39 – Speaker 1

Yes, I want us to respect each other. I want us to learn about each other, but I want you to be you and I want me to be me. 

 

20:45

You don’t have to try to talk a certain way. You don’t have to try to act like something you’re not. I don’t have to act like something I’m not. I can be myself and still want to know about the beautiful Stephanie that’s sitting across from me. I can still act like Jess and talk like Jess and still want to know about my sweet Asian friend who lives up the street. 

 

21:09 – Speaker 2

You know what? 

 

21:10 – Speaker 1

I mean. So I totally understand what she’s saying. To know about another culture, you don’t have to totally act like them or try to be like them, or just try to absorb their whole persona, because that, to me, is appropriation. You can still be yourself. 

 

21:26 – Speaker 2

And that’s where it’s so important to understand. And let me ask you this question how or what is the best way for someone to ask you about something that’s going on? Like, let’s say, you know, when it comes to the appropriation, if I had a shirt that was, you know, snoop Dogg and I come in wearing it and I don’t know who that is, would that be, you know, appropriate? Would you want to say something or ask me questions? Or should I say hey, I saw this because it’s trendy. Is this okay? Like, how do I approach that? 

 

22:08 – Speaker 1

I mean, these days it’s all about protecting my peace. So if you want to wear a Snoop Dogg, you know what. You do your thing, you know what you know that’s on you. I feel like before you put anybody’s face on your body, you should know who you’re wearing. You should know who you are representing. You should educate yourself on who you are wearing, Like you should know. Don’t wear something just because it’s trendy. 

 

22:37 – Speaker 2

Check yourself before you wreck yourself. 

 

22:38 – Speaker 1

Exactly, seriously. But that’s on you. But I would probably give you a side eye because, if I know, you are wearing somebody, if you walked up in here with, like a Malcolm X shirt on yeah, if you’re like trying to make a statement, okay, go girl. 

 

22:55

But if not, and you have no idea and you’re just like, hey, my black friend up the street had a Malcolm X shirt on, so I thought I’d go buy one too, I’m just probably going to give you the side eye and keep it moving, because you know what, that’s your business. I ain’t got time. I got too many other things on my mind right now and I’m protecting my own peace. Yeah, and when I get to heaven, jesus ain’t going to ask me what everybody else was doing. He’s going to worry. I’m worried about me, right, right. 

 

23:21 – Speaker 2

Yeah, very good. So how would you suggest that somebody has a conversation like what we’re doing, if, if, like, we respect each other, we know each other, but if somebody doesn’t, necessarily and they’re curious, curiosity is great, but what? What do you suggest is the best way to handle that? Just, talk. 

 

23:41 – Speaker 1

If it’s somebody you don’t know, just don’t go up to them and just start spewing stuff. Don’t assume stuff either. 

 

23:49

Yeah, I think we just have honest conversations and if you don’t know something, don’t assume. If you don’t know the person and you have questions, then find a way to ask. Perhaps you have a friend that you can ask or do some research. Ask, perhaps you have a friend that you can ask or do some research. And if you do have a friend that looks different from you, then sit down and have a conversation. How about? That’s what we asked Jesus to fix? There you go. We asked Jesus to fix our hearts and open our minds to learning about other cultures and having conversations without getting upset and easily offended with each other. And our prayer is that you didn’t get offended today about anything we said and know our hearts, know we both love Jesus and we really weren’t trying to offend anybody Like our hearts really were. We were. This was serious conversation but funny at the same time, that’s us. 

 

24:49

I really did wonder about the seasoning. 

 

24:50 – Speaker 2

Yeah, it’s totally fair. Hopefully today you got a little extra seasoning in your conversations that you can have with your friends. And yeah, be respectful, don’t, don’t take offense. And yeah, be respectful, don’t take offense, you know, if somebody’s coming to you with an open mind because they are genuinely curious. But yeah, that’s a great, Jesus fix it.